The problem with not having an anonymous blog, is that you can't write about everything. My point of starting this blog was to be open, and not hide behind things anymore. To put myself out there. So here we go, another very personal blog. I shall make it light and amusing though. Names have been based on characters in Letters to Juliette in order to protect the guilty. Though...another version of the blog could have been written and based on When in Rome....life is crazy....speaking of crazy:
May was a crazy month. I mean, I was done with class, done with solo performances, done with just about everything. I don't even remember the first two weeks really...
I had a huge take home exam that I procrastinated on finishing. I hung out with friends...a lot. I graduated...again. The final run of Navarro tour was basically my entire life, and I started talking to a couple guys. I am from the era of AOL and chat rooms; I'm good at making friends online. It's always exciting when you start talking to someone and the conversation actually is a conversation, not just a boring flow of pleasantries.
This was the case with...let's call him...Victor. He was cheerful, chatty, enthusiastic soul. There were tons of common interests between us and we could talk for hours and not get tired; so much so, we had to force ourselves to go to bed after a couple of long night chatting sessions. In person, he was charismatic, charming, funny; instantly liked by everyone. Can't think of any problem right?
So there was this other guy...Charlie...He was mysterious, you had to pull stuff out of him sometimes. Conversation wasn't as easy but still pleasant. He has cute nicknames for me, texts me good morning, checks on me during the day, laughs at my silliness and always calls me pretty. In person, he was really chill, very easy to talk to, and I was super comfortable with him.
So physical attraction is an issue too right?
Victor has this cute smile, kissable lips, long eye lashes, an all around sexy bad boy aura. He's pierced and tatted and loves Jesus...Excuse me while I wipe up my drool.... fa real though...
Charlie is just plain hot. Muscular arms, tan, good dresser.
Let's pause for a second and think about this.
Ok, moving on.
They are both Latino (mostly Mexican) and speak Spanish. Aye carumba.
They both have crappy short haircuts...What happened to full heads of hair?
So there. Now I have to pick
So I started this blog in a different place then I am finishing it. I talked my situation over with a few people and I'm having mixed feelings. Though Charlie talks to me everyday and I rarely hear from Victor, I know more about Victor and can hold a real conversation with him. Charlie tries but he's a simple guy, and if you read this regularly, you know I am far from simple. I was also told that my reason for picking Charlie wasn't good enough. I wasn't being fair to him since I clearly like Victor more.
I guess that's true, Charlie is the safe choice, I don't know where Victor stands. Picking someone cuz they are the "safe choice" and not because they excite you is a dick move.
So here it is, my romantic comedy...without much comedy and really light on the romance :-/
Doesn't the guy always do some grand gesture to prove himself to the girl?
Where is my movie moment? (Besides the first time Victor kissed me...sigh)
Sadly Victor and Charlie are just regular Joe's, working hard at menial jobs to survive, like me. The problem with romantic comedies is the the characters always have interesting occupations and apartments and seem to not have trouble with money, their schedule, or really anything. Here, in real life, I have to wade through the crappy stuff as well as their awesome qualities. I chose these two characters because in the movie, they're both good guys who want the girl. Really, she just needs to find the right one for her.
In all honestly, I think I need to move on from both of them, but it's hard to let go of Charlie's attentiveness and my attraction and connection with Victor was just so strong.
I think I might go home for a while, separate myself from them and see who I miss more...and who misses me more. Or hopefully, I'll see that neither are worth my time. Cuz, honestly, do you think either one of them is thinking about me? Doubtful. I wish the ginger would have stuck around.
So my title is a song by Fitz and the Tantrums called Fool's Gold
I has been apropos as I find that my initial connection with people soon fades and I'm left with what I thought I had, but that was really nothing to begin with. I've been really feely and will probably write a lyrics blog soon...like my myspace days...until then here's a bit of this song...It's fitting for Victor as well as someone else from the past. And it kind of a good jam out song.
Oh, maybe I just wasn't good enough
To blow your mind, you know I've tried.
Them silver lines they cut like blades of glass
Not worth the blood we've shed for love.
So give it up, start heating, hearts have gone cold
Had enough bleed-bleeding, it's all been done before.
Give it up, start heating, hearts have gone cold
Hey now, when we gonna wake up?
...
But fools gold shines like words that make us cry
We just keep on digging, find us something better
For the next time, next time
Something better for the next time, next time
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