What I less than lovingly refer to as Hectorina

Since not many people read this anyway, I've decided to share a problem that has plagued me for 11 years.

I have a chronic inflammatory skin condition. It is extremely painful. It's something that isn't always active but for the past 2-3 years I have not had a break. Still, since this summer it has become increasingly worst. Besides the pain, it can give me fevers, cause chronic fatigue and muscle soreness. It also can cause depression. It is a physically and emotionally draining disease that doesn't have a "cure". We are still trying to find a medication that will work for me. My current medication suppresses my immune system. Due to this, in February I was hit with 4 other health issues within 3 weeks of each other. This is what I meant when I said I was sick. I have not been able to bounce back from all of the stress this caused. I have not figured out how to deal with it in it's latest development. After half of a day, I am exhausted and find it hard to do anything. I used to be able to say once and while I have bad days, but now it's more like once and a while I have good days.

So I am sorry about the woe is me posts on all the social networks out there. I just need to vent and I don't know anybody else with this disease.

Luckily, I found online support groups. People who know exactly what I am dealing with. People who have suggestions. People who will offer a virtual shoulder to cry on.

I think this will be good for me.

My next step in medication is remicade...it is intensive and scary. The treatment themselves can make you sick.

I can not handle that right now.

So I have decided to try something that has always been in the back of my mind. I actually made the decision after reading a post on one of the support groups.

I am trying a "whole food" diet. When I say diet, I do not mean a weight loss plan, I mean a food eating ritual.

I love diet soda....and Splenda....

No more artificial sweeteners for me.

I am nixing the processed foods. I am laying off the beef, pork, and chicken.

Though I will not go gluten free, I will reduce mu gluten intake, my dairy intake, no "white" foods...ect.

Fish, veggies, fruits, turkey, brown rice...

That is what I am going to attempt.

Today was official day one, though I attempted to begin yesterday.

I need to start feeling better.

I cannot function like this anymore.

If you pray, keep me in your prayers.

Here is my first "whole food" meal :-)

Trust

I don't really think of myself as a trusting person. I have trouble believing people are genuine. When meeting new people, I take a long time before I accept that fact that they may actually just like me and aren't screwing with me. I even have trouble trusting in God.I feel like I have to count on myself to fix things instead of Him. So I thought I kept myself pretty guarded. Apparently not.
I'm pretty good about being a loner. I like to do what needs to get done on my own. I don't like asking for help. I'm stubborn. But even the strongest people need a shoulder to cry on or someone to whom they can vent their doubts or frustrations.
I have been in that mental state for the past 3 weeks. I had 4 different medical problems hit me during that span, all of which were physically painful and both emotionally and physically draining.
I have learned that I can not discuss my doubts and frustrations in a place where I thought it was safe. My issues were misconstrued to make me seem inadequate, weak, and unprepared. I am none of the above.
I am furious that someone whom I trusted and who i thought knew me would have these thoughts about me and share them with someone else. I am livid and I have no choice but to suffer in silence about it.

I have been burned twice in a matter of a few months.
This does nothing for my trust issues.
Looks like i'll be closing up even more.