I'm not worried, I'm happy

Well then, these last 4 weeks have been CRAZY. But guess what? They have been amazing as well.
I had to write a recital document. It is like a multi-chaptered research paper. Each chapter is about a section on your recital. Being the nerd I am, I was super happy about researching my music/composers because I love every piece I'm doing on my recital. So here is my recital program with examples from youtube.
Recital is on April 8th at 7:30pm in the UTSA recital hall.

Der Hirt auf dem Felsen - Schubert

O pays ou se fait la Guerre - Duparc
Chanson perpetuelle - Chausson

Casta Diva - Bellini and also this recording, same soprano, different years

Selections from John Corigliano's Mr. Tambourine Man
Mr. Tambourine Man
Blowin' in the Wind
Forever Young

In my procrastinatory nature, I played some days instead of paper writing. I honestly believe this kept me sane and from becoming overly stressed. Except for last week, where I never went to sleep before 3 am, made bad decisions that I regret, got a lot of work done, almost started a fire with my computer cord, and ate horribly. But here I am, no worse for ware and quite happy.

Here are highlights:

MATCHBOX 20 CONCERT!!!!!!!

MARDI GRAS

VALENTINE'S DAY

ART DAY WITH LINDSAY

PARK DAY

Night out in Austin

I no longer know what I wanted to write about. Things have just been going so well. The dog is driving me nuts but he seems to be getting better as long as we spend lots of time. He has the anxiety of separation....
This semester looks like it's in great shape, I'm working on Navarro stuff today. But I'm also catching up on Psych in time for the new season to begin. Also, I'm starting online certification classes on digital photography, photoshop, web animation, and web development. Cool beans. I'm super excited about that.

This morning I was listening to the old Ed Sheeran cd...homeboy can write.
 These sad lyrics pop out at me but don't make me sad, which is new.

Don't Drop me in

It’s not my turn

If you cut deep

Then I might learn

That you scarred and left me

Like a sunburn

We never even tried

We never even talked

We never even thought in the long run

Whenever it was painful

Whenever I was away

I’d miss you

And I miss you

And these

Now I'm in a position to be another stalker like everything I say seems to sound awkward,

Like our last kiss it was perfect, we were nervous,

On the surface,

And I'm always saying everyday that it was worth it,

Pain is only relevant if it still hurts

Well, I guess I'm done now...seems like I had more I wanted to say but I got carried away in making collages and being simple and filled with glee. Oh gee :) 

Don't worry, be happy...

layta

Surviving my "quarter-life crisis"

I've been itching to blog. Currently, I am supposed to be finishing my recital document (aka mini-thesis).
But I've just been staring at my computer all day dreamy and fuzzy.
I told Mel-bel that I found joy. I did.
Quitting the opera was the best decision I have ever made. I have no stress even with this paper looming over my life angrily requesting attention. I'm happy.
Due to this happiness, I am feeling better. When I wake up I don't dread getting out of bed anymore.
I still need to take my time getting ready and give myself breaks so I don't overexert myself before even leaving the apartment, but I do it without a frown.
I still have moments where I let my mind wander and I get a little sad but it doesn't ruin my day anymore.
I listen to some downer music like Maroon 5's "Sad" and the acknowledgement of the feeling lets me mope then throw it away. I also started listening to music while I shower/dress in the mornings....I forgot how much this used to improve my days.
This is new, I wasn't sure it would last, but after getting grumpy on Friday and finding my way out of it, I realized that it might be here to stay. Which is just what I need!
Don't get me wrong, I'm still not well, but I have learned how to deal with it and the feelings of hopelessness  have fled. acceptance and a bit of optimism are in it's place.
I also made a new acquaintance/friend recently, who seems to be pretty awesome and I've been hanging out with my personality twin which always brings me joy because she accepts me for all of my craziness.
Ya know....a few weeks ago I decided I was gonna stop trying to be "normal" and just let all my quirkiness out. It took too much energy to be something I was not. I love myself, broken as I may be.
I also met my newest specialist who seems freaky smart and caring. He really wants to help me.
So I can't chat long but I wanted to write a little something.
I'm probably gonna blog about Mardi Gras or family soon.
I want to blog about gratitude. I have so many feelings of inexpressible gratitude for blessings and answered prayers. I love being happy and smiley again. I just want to give everyone hugs and laugh.
I sound so cliche but I feel so different. Praise Him, I am not worthy but He loves me anyway.
I'm gonna make it.