Nostalgia is a b*#@$

I'm pretty happy. My biggest stresses in life include sharing bathrooms with high school girls, looking for a new place to live, and having too many events I want to attend. Oh the horror right?
And before today I wasn't sick. But my aches & pains on top of a cold prevented me from going to work today. A decision I still regret even though it was probably a good idea to rest.
But feeling bad makes me want to be comforted and also makes me remember who used to comfort me and having a cold makes me want caldo de pollo. I can't ever want, or think about caldo without attaching it to a certain person. It's like remembering where you you were when you first heard a song that became one of your favorites. The memory is set in stone.  Also, instagram is something I should not flip through unless I am completely of sound mind.  Which clearly, when I am sick, I am not.

So while soaking in the tub, hoping to rid myself of creaking joints and  inflamed tissue, I started to write. I'm not gonna edit anything or make anything more poetic. These are my thoughts and I needed to get them out but I don't need to dwell on them by perfecting the prose cuz that'll just make it worse.  I am happy. Just feeling  a bit under the weather today.


Everything is easier now
Apathy has set in
I still want to cut all ties
I still sometimes think there were lies
But all I want is for you to be gone

You're out of sight,
Mostly out of mind
Except for the ghost of former happiness trolling images

Sometimes I sink back and wonder was it all that bad
When did it fade away
Then I read the captions and instead
I wonder if anything was ever really there at all

I think you wanted to play house
You wanted to have someone to come home to
Dinner on the table
Hugs at the door
Dog in your lap

You wanted someone to spoil
So much extra money
You needed to spend it on something
Someone
Why not pick me

You knew it was over before I convinced myself
But you wouldn't let go
You muddied the water
You gave me hope
What a lie we were

And I loved you
And I showed it
And I lived it
And I care
And I want you gone

But you won't leave
And you won't loose contact
But you won't stay in touch
Three final strands of thread that refuse to pop
The suture needed to sew up my heart