I've been itching to blog. Currently, I am supposed to be finishing my recital document (aka mini-thesis).
But I've just been staring at my computer all day dreamy and fuzzy.
I told Mel-bel that I found joy. I did.
Quitting the opera was the best decision I have ever made. I have no stress even with this paper looming over my life angrily requesting attention. I'm happy.
Due to this happiness, I am feeling better. When I wake up I don't dread getting out of bed anymore.
I still need to take my time getting ready and give myself breaks so I don't overexert myself before even leaving the apartment, but I do it without a frown.
I still have moments where I let my mind wander and I get a little sad but it doesn't ruin my day anymore.
I listen to some downer music like Maroon 5's "Sad" and the acknowledgement of the feeling lets me mope then throw it away. I also started listening to music while I shower/dress in the mornings....I forgot how much this used to improve my days.
This is new, I wasn't sure it would last, but after getting grumpy on Friday and finding my way out of it, I realized that it might be here to stay. Which is just what I need!
Don't get me wrong, I'm still not well, but I have learned how to deal with it and the feelings of hopelessness have fled. acceptance and a bit of optimism are in it's place.
I also made a new acquaintance/friend recently, who seems to be pretty awesome and I've been hanging out with my personality twin which always brings me joy because she accepts me for all of my craziness.
Ya know....a few weeks ago I decided I was gonna stop trying to be "normal" and just let all my quirkiness out. It took too much energy to be something I was not. I love myself, broken as I may be.
I also met my newest specialist who seems freaky smart and caring. He really wants to help me.
So I can't chat long but I wanted to write a little something.
I'm probably gonna blog about Mardi Gras or family soon.
I want to blog about gratitude. I have so many feelings of inexpressible gratitude for blessings and answered prayers. I love being happy and smiley again. I just want to give everyone hugs and laugh.
I sound so cliche but I feel so different. Praise Him, I am not worthy but He loves me anyway.
I'm gonna make it.
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