So I'm sitting here while my long luscious brown hair looses it's virginity. Much like most "first time" stories, it's not all that great. I came with expectations of awesome blue streaks....alas I was denied awesomeness and have settled for burgundy chunks.
Well not yet, I'm currently waiting for my natural brown to bleach to blonde....it feels so wrong
My poor innocent hair
What did it ever do to deserve this?
Be boring and beautiful and long and shiny? Versatile and healthy?
Well the era has ended, one can never go back!
(like the drama? When I'm feeling sick and or overwhelmed I overdose on the ridiculous as a coping mechanism. Most people can't handle me...I find myself delightful)
So yeah, 27 has been my age of new things and first times. I quit an opera for the first time ever. I've never quit a show I was cast in before, even if it was just chorus. I am both relieved and saddened by this. Maybe I've been blaming 2012 when I should be blaming age 27. Maybe 28 with let me shine and be happy...doubtful...that's almost 30...no one ever wants to turn 30!
I don't actually care...the closer to my 30s I get, the more my voice will settle and hopefully it will settle into something that is big and warm and unique and powerful and breathtakingly beautiful. I want to make people cry just by opening my mouth.
(oh dear...please ignore any innuendo you may have perceived...I meant nothing of the sort...)
Still waiting....
So let me tell you about my week.
I blogged about how people can't understand my predicament. I get it, it's weird, and I'm vague because it's embarrassing and makes me feel like a disgusting monster. But just an ounce of compassion from a friend whom you have explained it to would be nice. The next day, I had a professor, whom I talked to about my issues last year, act like a completely inconsiderate jerk. It made me wish I would have just quit school like I wanted to after my first semester.
We are supposed to be so understanding of him when he was having family and health problems but he jut decides to get mad and vindictive with me. Best part, he is my boss....so I have to work with him constantly. He probably wants to fire me. I wish he would, I would...I would get legal with this mess.
I have decided to apply for disability.
My sister agrees it would be my best plan of action in general. I just got my laptop back from being repaired yesterday so I will try to apply this week. It can't hurt.
Yesterday was an awful day but friends made it better with a wonderful new D&D campaign.
Just 3 of us and I felt like crap but they made me happy.
Both of them will be leaving SA.
What will i do without them?
The winds of change are threatening again...and just like my first blog post, people get dearer just before they/you go away.
Sighs
Oh well!!
Update on my cherry popping play by play, I have blonde chunks in my hair!! Eeek!! It's sooo strange to see my hair like this!
Color is about to be added
How exciting!?
Another bummer while we wait:
While thumbing through my news feed last night, I came across this horrific picture. The post was shared to raise awareness and to find the demented cruel individuals who were pictured, but my stomach/mind couldn't handle it.
I have seen a lot of gruesome things working in a vet hospitals.
Mangled pets hit by cars, surgeries, and doing a necropsy myself. I should have been able to deal with this picture without bursting into tears and feeling physically ill, but the smiles on the faces of the people in the picture made me hurt.
There was a group of guys standing together holding the severed head of an orange tabby, a knife, and a little body. They had huge grins on their face, like hunters who just scored a multi-pointed buck.
I'm sick just thinking about it now.
Why would that even happen?
Like the slaughtering of innocent children, why would you so violently kill domestic animal for kicks?!
Maybe I've gone soft.
But it was awful, I threw my phone down and my friend had to move the screen for me. I couldn't even bare to look at it again or accidentally glance upon it. He had to calm me down while we leveled up my character and chose new stuff....
Alright...got that out....
So I will add pics and post this after I leave and finally get some lunch.....we got here at 10:30, it's 2pm...we're not done....not nearly....I can hope for 2:30 but 3 is more likely.
What else can I post?
Poetry
I miss poetry, I'm currently working on my recital document chapter about my french composers treatment of absence.
Both poets write about a woman whose lover has left her. One grew tired of her and fled, the other was taken off by war. Both are heartbreaking and both composers are so sensitive to the text that it makes me cry. So beautiful. The first woman drowns herself but makes it feel noble, beautiful, and necessary.
It has poetry on my mind. I miss writing it and I miss collecting quotes.
I used to be an artsy heifer...
I'd thrive in Austin...
While trying to delete some notes on my iphone, I found this poem I wrote last february, don't remember writing for years before then...it was about rain and I was trying to write a villanelle and never was able to finish...I was really into forms at one point, but as this example shows...letting the poem form itself works best sometimes:
" Sleep fails me in my exhausted state
My tired mind only thinks of you
Why have these memories surfaced now
The moments we shared alone were few
I wanted to have the advantage
Pride and regret surround that choice
Unwilling, I ignored your last bid
So I wait to again hear your voice
The memory of your touch is fading
The feeling of you lips, almost gone
I'm left longing to meet you once more
Dwelling on the past, I must move on
But I want you to hold me as I fall asleep
To kiss my head while in your tight embrace
To laugh with you again and for once hold your hand
Yet what I pine for is moot, a truth I must face"
About 3 months ago I visited a museum alone, bought a cute little cork notebook, sat in front of a painting and wrote a little prose about the situatuon I saw. Here it is, I haven't edited it yet...I may not, sometimes these exercises should just stay as is. I try to paint the picture with words and fabricate a story to give the painting action, this was the first one I'd done in years:
In the corner he stands alone.
The oldest of the crew, and wise beyond his years.
She is the most beautiful girl on the block.
Her pink stockings and golden hair stand out in the grimy soot filled streets.
He thinks she's as bright as the flowers those three duds are trying to woo her with.
"No, she's brighter."
Yet, he keeps his distance in the dark.
Hand on chin, head tilted, studying every wave in her hair.
He knows he is better than the rest, if only his clothes and position in society showed it.
Even if he did step into the light and rise above the other boys, her parents would never allow it.
She will probably finish school, go to high school…
He left last year to work in the factory with this pop.
They needed more money for the recently arrives twins.
He stands there, picturing ways he can work to save money so that in five years he could begin to call on her, and maybe her parents will see his hard work.
They themselves were only emigrants, shop owners.
Still, they were far from hard labor in factories…
He is brought back to the present when she moves to kiss Johnny on the cheek and skips away with carnations.
"one day" he thinks, "...one day..."
My friend sent me this quote last week....it's very true
“It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it's so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn't come back. You're left so alone that you can't explain. Damn, there's nothing like that, is there? I've been there and you have too. You're nodding your head.”
― Henry Rollins, The Portable Henry Rollins
So true
I think I had more quotes/poems to share but as I am sitting in a styling chair with my phone, I can't remember lol
2:45...5 more minutes and the color will be done....then some defusing for a natural curl.
Just remembered by title song blurb....this title is a band/song title combo...only chose the band cuz I heard someone say it, but here's their one hit wonder song....the lamest excuse to stay together ever, a movie....("I Love the 80's" does the best commentary on this)
"So what now?
It's plain to see we're over
And I hate when things are over
When so much is left undone
And I said what about Breakfast at Tiffany's?
She said I think I remember the film
And as I recall I think, we both kind o' liked it
And I said well that's, the one thing we've got
You'll say, that we've got nothin' in common
No common ground to start from And we're falling apart
You'll say the world has come between us
Our lives have come between us
Still I know you just don't care"
Will lunch never come?
Hope you've enjoyed sitting in Aveda with me for 4+ hours
Do you like me new hair?
Mo
Update...we left at 7pm!!!
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