What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know anymore...

  Well, here it is, Jan 1, 2013.

I suppose it's time for me to learn how to deal with life, or decide that I will not let it get the best of me. I suppose it's time for me to stop trying to be this person that I'm not. Time to stop procrastinating.

Time to be more familiar with the practice room. 

Time to finally cut the people out of my life who have been causing me distress or at least not care that they're there anymore.

Time to appreciate the people who are truly my friends.

Time to get the hatred out of my life.

Time to get back on to the righteous train. I fell off it some years ago and ran behind it trying to catch up for a while until I finally gave up and stopped.

I've never been big on new year's resolutions. In fact, I don't remember the last time I made one. I don't think I'm making them now either, well maybe...

2012, what a year. Filled with so many new experiences, 90 percent of them bad. The only things that seem to be going my way are my singing experiences. 

I began the year by winning the vocal section of a concert/aria competition, sang the biggest role of my life, and ended the year by winning a different concerto/aria comp. But I also landed in the hospital for the first time, twice, was a regular at urgent care and emergency rooms, and had awful experiences with mean doctors.

Last nye, I got all fancy and went "out" for the first time in my life to ring in the new year. Yesterday,  I decided to do other fun things for the first time and attempted to go out again but landed in bed at 10pm.

I've done several things and schemed several times this year of things that seem very uncharacteristic of me.

I feel little regret for them and am mostly pleased with myself.

Hence my song title...maybe these things are in my character. Maybe I'm not the person I think I am or claim to be. Maybe these things have been sitting under the surface just waiting for the right time to pop out, like a big painful juicy zit. (lol, I kill myself with my analogies, you should hear the one about how I liken men to pretty weeds in a garden, I digress)

So basically, I don't know if I'm making resolutions cuz I don't know who I am, I don't know what I stand for. What are my opinions, beliefs, morals, I used to know them clear as day but these days are partially cloudy with a chance of hurricane. 

I would say "I resolve to be myself"

Or "I resolve to not be swayed" but I'm building myself, enjoying being swayed and responsible for most of the swaying.

Maybe I can resolve to be true to myself. I am sure I tell myself lies all the time. I'm probably lying to myself right now.

Well here's to a new 365 days to be me, whoever that is :-)