My love is like a red red rose that's newly sprung in June...

I've been lied to, I've been deceived, I've been led on, I've been jilted, I've been teased, I've been the rebound.
But today, for the first time in my life,
I had my heart broken.

There is nothing I could have done differently. As with everything I do, I loved whole heartedly. I gave of myself without concern of running out, without worry of getting hurt.
I put everything I had into this relationship. Gave all of me to him.
I proved my loyalty repeatedly.

In return I received support, companionship, hugs, laughter, and a calming presence.

I thought I had received love as well.
But now I found out that I stopped receiving love because he stopped feeling it.

I was given no reason.
I was not told a time.
But I was lied to about being loved for months. Too weak to tell me, thinking he was making it easier on me, he only made it worse and brought to fruition my deepest fear and insecurity.

I've dealt with sadness and rejection more than I can count, and I thought that was hard. Now, I wish I felt like that. What I feel now is a physical pain. Nausea, shallow breathing, brain fog, and incessant tears producing a runny nose.

I don't want to be alone but I don't want to be in public with people.
I want endless movies, hot tea, pajamas, blankets, and a friend who knows how it feels.
Either that or a lobotomy.
I know a lobotomy is extreme, but we don't have those super cool memory erasers from MIB. That would be perfection.
What good is remembering the happy memories when I don't know where the love left him?

Then there's the part of me that doesn't believe him. The part that thinks he is making his life easier by pretending to not love me so he can go away and go through school and not deal with a long distance relationship or have to worry about upsetting me.

I don't want to sound cliche, but I don't want to go through this again.
We all know my trust issues.
Getting to know people is hard for me. But even harder is letting them know me.

And how long am I going to continue loving him? Apparently until the sea runs dry, which is unfortunate for me.