I've been trying to blog for weeks.
So many ups and downs, I can't even find a solid topic to write about without it turning into a vent.
I had a temp job at a church as an admin assistant, I loved it. I could even pay bills & save money. I met some really decent people, got to pray at work, and there was always free food.
But alas, they didn't want me to stay on permanently and hired someone else.
Every "good" job I applied for, I never could even get an interview.
But my roommate got me in touch with a friend who needed a new voice teacher and the next day I met him and got a job.
The kids seem great and I'm super excited.
My adult group at church is picking up membership and we had a great retreat. It was so nice to be a leader and it just makes me want to study theology more.
I ended my relationship with the person I still believe to be the love of my life. But I spent more time annoyed with him and nagging him to do things and that's not me. I rather be separate than turning into someone I'm not. I miss him every night when I want to talk before bed and every time I want to share a text during the day. It's over, but I still long for him to straighten up and be the man I know he is. But I'm not holding my breath. Passivity to certain situations that are the cause of ruining your life is not an easy thing to get rid of. And I'm not perfect but I deserve more than being an after thought, second place, or I'll get to you when I get to you.
I've continued to listen to a lot of Matthew Kelly and the following are notes I took on his book The Seven Levels of Intimacy. This book is probably why I finally had to guts to say goodbye. (Please ignore typos)
"Life's about love. It's about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you love and hurt yourself. It's about how you love and hurt those people close to you. It's about how you love and hurt those people who just brush past your world on any given day. Life's about love and we know it instinctively but we get distracted."
1) Cliches - how's your day/what did you do?
We all use cliches from time to time to avoid intimacy
2) Facts - weather/food/games
We use the facts to avoid intimacy instead of to begin
3) Opinions - opinions are constantly changing, growing, evolving
We forget that when we meet someone with a different opinion.
We live in a hyper judgmental culture
Common purpose - to help one another become the best version of ourselves.
Love is not based on understanding
Love is based on acceptance
You reveal yourself to someone who accepts you
When we feel accepted we thrive
How can we best help them in that journey
4) Hopes & Dreams
If you have a relationship that's struggling this is the key
There's nothing more fulfilling than chasing down a dream, there's nothing more satisfying that helping someone else live a dream
Do you know what your dreams are? Did you get caught up in the hustle and bustle and stop dreaming along the way?
Which of your dreams got lost along the way because I was too preoccupied with mine?
5) Feelings - knowing our feelings, being comfortable expressing our feelings, and expressing our feelings at the right time, in the right place, & to the right person
FALSE - If love is based on understanding then every feeling needs a reason - FALSE
Feelings are to be accepted not understood
6) fears, faults, & failures
We all have core fear "if ppl really knew us, they wouldn't love us"
Do you know the fears of ppl around you? Cuz it's affecting them
Intimacy is getting to the "why do ppl do what they do and say what they say" "nothing kills intimacy like fears. When we're afraid we won't reveal ourselves, we'll hide ourselves.
Faults - humility & vulnerability
Two key components missing in modern relationship.
"I have this fault, will you help me with that?" We spend most of the time arguing for our faults as of we deserve our faults or as if they're someone else's fault
Failure - make yourself vulnerable
when you reveal your humanity you give other people permission to be human
7) legitimate needs
God gave us legitimate needs as clues to happiness, clues to thriving
Physically - exercise regularly, eat right food, sleep well
Emotionally - focus and priority to relationships
Intellectually - read great books
We become the books we read
Spiritually - silence solitude scripture sacraments
We ignore our legitimate needs because we're in a culture consumed with wants...you go out and get what you want and you'll be happy - a failed philosophy, people are not happy
You can never get enough of what you really don't need
You can only ever get enough of what you need
I just had a great visit with one of my closest friends and her family. It was a truly blessed visit and it gave me lots of reflection time and hugs. It also gave me a push to start something I swore I would never do. The Paleo Diet...except, I'll be doing the Autoimmune Protocol Paleo.
I'm not happy or excited about it, but if I can eat like her then I don't feel like I'd be missing out on anything. Her food is always so delicious. Real food is better. Expensive though.
So I'm not sure how I'm gonna make a go at it yet. I'll have to finish off the food in my patry and eat bad things in NOLA but by september I should be able to phase into AIP.
My biggest reason for taking this leap is that I recieved bloodwork yesterday that shows that I probably have Reumatoid Arthritis. Much sense has been made now. And as I've tried all the big guns already, it's time to get a little more holistic. It definately won't land me in the hospital.
So there's a short version of my roller-coaster.
I'll write about my crunchy factor in the next blog, once I get a full plan.
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